December 29, 2008

Repost of a Rant I did about listening to people

In one of those cosmic moments of amazement and understanding that maybe, just maybe your click is guided by a higher power, I came across a link to this rant. It was prompted by a friend who was hurt by his friends unwillingness to listen any farther. So without further ado, my repost follows.

Yeah, time for a rant about thoughtless, uncaring people. Who are wrapped in their own little lives to care about asking others how things are. I've read that that is why we've got such rudeness these days. Because people are busy, they don't have time, and they just don't care what others are thinking and feeling that much. It's a sad comment on a couple of friends when you hear from a person that they couldn't be bothered indicating any interest in hearing a story he wanted to share. A life experience, for a week, and they can't be bothered to inquire more after he'd started the conversation. How rude. How uncaring is that? Is it because they care more about what salary they are getting? Or that their mobile phone isn't the best quality one? Is that what makes these guys happy?

Further to that is that article that I posted a link to on my Facebook profile about listening.
Like it, or not, all of us have to communicate effectively. For some, it could mean a better job. For others it could mean saving that marriage you think is just fine. For others, it could be the secret to a better friendship.

Our romantic relationships run into communication problems everyday. Friendships can get too one-sided and devolve into arguments about taking too much. Even consumerism is dependent upon listening — advertising and referrals help us determine what to buy and where to buy it.

What’s that you say? You’re a great listener? I hate to break it to you, but that’s what we all think. And, as is often the case, we’re all wrong. There’s a big difference between the “passive” listening we offer to others and the “active” listening we hypocritically expect from others. Active listening involves dedicating yourself to improving your listening skills. It involves making a point of being extra vigilant about your reactions, and extra aware of your tendencies.

Hearing is easy. All that takes is a set of ears. We’ve all got them, for the most part (sorry in advance to my sans-eared readers). Listening requires yours ears and your brain. Unfortunately, that doesn’t come naturally to many people

Want to know a secret about active listening? It's the following of a statement by the other with a statement of your own: "oh that's interesting", or "oh really?" It helps foster warmth, closeness and desire for the other to say what they want to say. If you slam the door in their face by your silence, that hurts them. Then you get people saying things like "life is hard and I don't see an easy way out".

So, please, listen, ask questions of those around you who are trying to say something. Don't shut people out because you're "busy"

Sometimes we all need to strip away everything in our lives. Just stand out in the rain, feel its power, feel terror, sadness, despair, hope, love and caring when someone asks why? Then you are acting like a human. Not a machine with a time clock for a brain.

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