February 26, 2009

So firicking fracking annoyed

ok, so like I play WoW ok? I'm a 80 feral tank (druid NE - Night elf). And I love it. Druids are good at healing, good at stealth kitty form and then wham I'm a bear tank with 30,000 armor and 27,000 health (that's a lot). And then those frickin fracking horde rogues GRRRR stun lock you, and stab stab, and people don't come to help out! Battlegrounds are fun, good for equipment but those frickin frackin rogues GRRRRR, make my blood boil. Anyhow.... yeah, feeling a wee bit frustrated. I love surprising people after we've talked a bit, and I know they're kinda friendly, um yeah, I'm a mum of 2, 47 yo. and hear their jaw drop. LOL! Too funny, a tank, doing BG's and you're 47 years old? WTF? LOL, too funny!

Um, yeah, I like doing the melee thing. A fair number of females prefer the "more delicate" cloth type classes: mage/priest/warlock. Nah not for me, the casters are "yawn" boring. Give me melee, armor and I'll fight tooth and nail. And love it. But those frickin fracking rogues, GRRRR

LOL i have one, actually. A human rogue lvl 72, got bored with her. Druids are more fun. But hey, here's a idea, get her to 80 and make the Horde say "GRRRRR, those frickin fracking rogues" hehehe

February 25, 2009

types of music

Well I've noticed that I've not listened to rap music since before Christmas. Not in the mood for it, honestly. Definitely a sign I'm in a hyped mood if I want to listen to that stuff I guess. At the moment I'm listening to a fair bit of Coldplay, Evanescence, and my fave Theory of a Deadman. Some MB20 in there too. Generally I have a CD going while I'm working. I find it goes along better with music. Another thing I'm noticing is less paying attention to lyrics. It's like my mind has slowed down, and is less conscious of the words and the meaning behind them. Weird, huh? Ah well, yeah, I'm a unique being, I guess. Still moody though. I can find myself crying for no particular reason. I feel stupid doing it, honestly. Like "why are you crying" I think somebody might ask.

Actually the other day I was chatting with a friend. I said that I cried when I heard Heath Ledger had won the Oscar for his category. I said "you probably think that dumb". He said "you're a woman, and nothing surprises me what you women do. My girlfriend cries too, and I just hug her and say it'll be ok". And so, he made me feel ok. Like it's "NOT" weird to cry, at times.

Do others reading this find they cry a lot?

"A minute to meet a friend, an hour to like them, a day to love them, and a lifetime to forget them."

February 24, 2009

Hiding my head in the sand

Sometimes I just want to hide my head in the sand. Rather a bizarre statement when said out of the blue. But I mean just sometimes I want to forget I have moody days. I just want to feel on a even keel, all the time. Not have days when I feel like calling myself a stupid, mixed up fuck head, like I did the other day. Just things got me down. A lot of little things made a big thing, and made me feel, as I said to a friend "a pathetic fuck up of a friend". He replied that no, he didn't see that, and that I'm not insane, rather just a thinking feeling person who is intense. Sometimes friends are God's little gifts (tm?) to us. A reminder that no matter how down we get on ourselves someone else admires us. Right Maven? Mind you I don't have the fan base of Maven, but oh well, I can work on it, right? ;)

So, now that I've reminded myself that I'm not a pathetic fuck-up, at least to some people, lets take the head out of the sand. I had another session of acupuncture last night. Listening to a relaxing meditation tape at the same time. Nothing like a guy telling you what part to focus on, and R E L A X to make you feel, well, a little self-conscious huh? But, it was a good excuse to lie there for 45 min. relaxing. But I did notice this. All my muscles felt "used" "tingly" for lack of a better description. I really just wanted to lie quietly and relax last night when I got home. The kids were bouncing on the bed laughing with hands over their eyes saying "Oooommm" and laughing like crazy. I had to laugh! So frickin frackin funny! Vic esp. with her OOOOOOMMMMMMM sound drawn out. And Sarah with crossed legs, and finger in a circle over her eyes, just saying om, om, om. Too funny!

Listening to Coldplay playlist on computer. Yay for CD's that can be copied to computers. Yay for music players that allow me to copy the songs to my MP3 player. That's called "fair use" of the music I listen to. Not pirated, but "fair use".

February 17, 2009

Writing in a Journal is good for your health

While waiting at the dentist for my root canal work this morning - yes, root canal on a molar. Ouch. I read a magazine article that said 10 things that are good for you. Among them was writing in a journal, either on paper or online, in a blog. And yes, I'd agree, it *IS* good for me. It affords me what I want: an expression of my thoughts. I'm not bothering people with endless emails this way. Still expressing my thoughts, but not in an obtrusive way.

One wonders if these words will come back to haunt me. I don't hide the fact that I write a manic depression blog but I don't particularly advertise it either. In other words, a few know my name on Facebook but most of my more casual readers may not know my full name. That's good. I want them to stay separate.

At times I feel blogging is a terribly wasteful activity that is very much self-serving and egotistical. But then again, I've never written on here that "I'm great, perfect and wonderful" have I? No, more like, "in pain, worried, sad, crazy, mixed up and feeling resigned to being mentally ill" is more like it. Not exactly patting myself on the back stuff, after all.

Please, remind me, friends who read this, to give me a good swift kick in the behind if I get too egotistical ok? Thanks.

Colour me shocked

Well, you can colour me shocked. I got a phone call that my psychiatrist would like to know if I'd like to see her, on a visit to this region. She's practicing in a different region but will come back to see patients in this area.

I must say it is a relief to know that I can be seen by a "real" psychiatrist. Someone who's been trained as a mental health expert, after all. Yes, psychotherapy helps, yes, medication helps, and yes acupuncture is helping, but still. When you have a major mental illness which manic depression is it's just nice to know you can be seen, even if infrequently by a professional in the field.

The doctor is a good one. I always liked her. Obviously, for reasons of privacy I can't say her name. But I'm glad to hear I can see her again.

February 15, 2009

Further reading of Night Falls Fast

Well, I've done a bit more reading. To find out that manic depression, moreso than just depression is one of the major causes of suicide. Oh great. If it's combined with alcohol or drug abuse that just raises the chances that much higher. The combination of the two is quite deadly. Well hurray for something. Thankfully neither drugs nor alcohol is in the picture at all, for me. A relief, truly.

It is distressing however to read that due to the strong genetic inherited nature of manic depression there is a fair chance one of my daughters may get it. I hope not. But, at least I know what to look for. We have a good family doctor who's just in his 10th year of practicing, so he'll be around a long time. And we've got the 21st century where it's not a crime to say you have mental illness and talk about it with teachers. So, yes, I can warn people who interact with her. Teachers, I've been told, know which kids are getting enough sleep. They know the ones who can't concentrate. I think a teacher is the one who most notices a child on a day to day basis outside of the home.

When it got to the part about methods I just had to put it down. No, no more reading. Too distressing. Far far too distressing. The author writes at the end that she found the book very hard to write, but she's extremely glad she did. A feeling of far too many lives lost to suicide. She wants people to wake up and see that.

"Look to the living, hold on, and love life"

February 14, 2009

I've removed labels

I found embedded code within the HTML of this blog so that a certain term would always show up as the first label. Couldn't remove it any other way, so resorted to using Blogger help

How to remove labels that can't be removed any other way http://groups.google.com/group/blogger-help-troubleshoot/browse_thread/thread/37f973b0e87e310c/c772bcb98b643369?lnk=gst&q=unwanted+labels#c772bcb98b643369

Edit the code that is as following

**addin <**p class='post-footer-line post-footer-line-2'>
span class='post-labels'>
b:if cond='data:post.labels'>
b:loop values='data:post.labels' var='label'>
a expr:href='data:label.url' rel='tag'>>/a>b:if cond='data:label.isLast != "true"'>,


So, buggers who put in unwanted drug ads, I'll show you.

A few thoughts, on "Night Falls Fast"

Well I've been wading my way through the book "Night Falls Fast" by Kay Redfield Jamison. It's not the most happy book (about suicide) but I feel it's in my interest to read. In the chapter about depression she writes that perhaps, and it is highly likely in fact that depression takes away ones flexibility in dealing with problems. In the chapter entitled "Take off the amber put out the light" she writes

".. Depression shatters that capacity. When the mind's flexibility and ability to adapt are undermined by mental illness, alcohol or drug abuse, or other psychiatric disorders, its defenses are put at jeopardy. Much as a compromised immune system is vulnerable to opportunistic infection, so too a diseased brain is made assailable by the eventualities of life. The quickness and flexibility of a well mind, a belief or hope that things will eventually sort themselves out - these are the resources lost to a person when the brain is ill.

We know that the brain's inablitiy to think fluently, reason clearly, or perceive the future with hope creates a defining constellation of depression. We also know that depression is at the heart of most suicides."

Yes, I'd say that untreated bipolar where I was rapid cycling was pretty bad. A feeling of wanting to curl under the covers and not come out at all, all day. And then the next day feeling euphoric, like I could conquer learning French in a day. I recall describing my depression as a black whirlpool into which I didn't want to fall, but at times did. Struggling to reach the shore, and not wanting to truly give in. And feeling good that I somehow got out of those depressions. I'm truly glad I've never had the total depths of despair she goes on to describe using a few case studies. No, I can honestly say I've never lost the hope that tomorrow will be a better day. Thank God for that.

I go on, in my mind to think of suicides I've heard about. The young 20 year old in my neighbourhood who killed herself. I said to her mum, "I'm so sorry, but I guess she was sick" and the mum agreed, she was. I don't know the story of why however. And then the father of some of mine, and my brother's friends. He had schizophrenia which is such a horrible disease. At the funeral I recall his daughter saying "my father as I knew him was gone long ago. This man that died, he was a person in pain and I'm glad he found release". My young internet friend who lost his dad recently. So sad to hear his pain expressed in typed words. The question of "why?" And of course mothers who've stepped in front of trains. Post-partum depression can be deadly. I'm glad I didn't have it badly. But do recall feeling very blue after Victoria's birth.

The terribly sad thing is that people can hide it very well. Teenagers can shock their parents in the most tragic way, never knowing how bad it was, for them. Suicide, I gather from reading, is seen as the cure, the release.

If only we could get the message across: suicide is the most selfish thing you'll ever do in your life. That's my feeling. The ultimate way of escaping your troubles and throwing them all onto others. And the burden will be very very very painful, for many. The close family, the extended one, the friends, and even people in outlying circles. It will ripple out as a shockwave, to all.

I want to reassure people who read this, no, suicide isn't on my mind. I'm simply wanting to talk about it. It's a sad fact of life that it kills just as many as cancer does, likely. Not exactly sure, but it's high up on the list of "causes of death".

I think the best thing we can do is to listen to those who are depressed. Whom we know are depressed. Reassure them we love them, support them, tell them any time, day or night, and it is not a bother to have them call. Many say, I think, "oh people are so tired of my depression and they don't want to hear me". That's a diseased brain that can't reason. The sane have to be ready to step and remind them "I WILL listen, any time, to you".

"Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is a dream, and today is the present so treat it like the gift it is". Line from Kung-Fu Panda, my kids current fave movie.

February 10, 2009

Another session of acupuncture

So, I had another session last night. Very relaxing, and helpful. His comment to me was that my diet was fairly healthy but that I needed more variety in my diet of vegetables. More colour, more variety, basically. The whole grains are good, fruit is good, lack of juice is good, bit of milk (1 glass a day plus what goes in my tea) is good. So, yeah, doing ok, aren't I?

Relaxation is key to stress reduction. Learn how to relax when not tense, and then be able to apply that in stressful times. Yes, I am practicing just sitting "breathing". It sounds silly, of course we know how to breathe. But to breathe deeply, fully, filling your lungs and then expelling it slowly, that is the key.

I mentioned about the book "An Unquiet mind". How it had really struck me. He agreed that it is an interesting idea to read a book not only from a clinical psychologiest's view but as well from a person living with the disease. Also agreed with me that he just can't imagine the hamster wheel on steriods that my mind must be in a mania state. He can appreciate the frenzied activity but can't "feel" it.

I've had a bit of carpal tunnel syndrome this last week. I hope it soon goes away.

A friend wrote about how some people get uptight about their kids saying "bad" words. Damn isn't ok, in their books. Um, in ours, Jesus isn't allowed as a swear word LOL Crap is ok, along with damned. It's my kids telling me to not swear, believe it or not. Yes, a bit rich, agreed.

My champagne tastes have always been linked to my moods I believe. The unwillingness to accept that money doesn't grow on trees and that it won't just "appear". So many times I can think of buying things I didn't really need. Just in case, because, it was on sale. You name it, I've said those things. Stupid.

This post is a rambling thought purge. Yes, much like my brain is a rumbled mess. As I pour out the words through my fingers the thoughts keep on chugging away. Now my brain goes to the fires in Australia. Such a terrible tragedy, in so many ways. My heart does go out to them as they cope. I hope it does get better soon, and that the fires are at least under control. It'll be months though before it's truly over (all the fires out).

February 7, 2009


One of the references that Kay Redfield Jamison makes in her book is the idea of a seawall in your mind. I quote her

"...They are to keep at bay the sadnesses of our lives and the often overwhelming forces within our minds. In whatever way we do this - thorough love, faith, family, work, alcohol, drugs (illegal, and legal), denial, friends - we build these, stone by stone, over a lifetime. One of the most difficult problems is to construct these barriers of such a height and strength that one has a true harbour, a sanctuary away from crippling turmoil and pain, but yet low enough, and permeable enough to let in fresh seawater...."

Yes, I need to build the wall. To hold back, at bay, the minds turmoil, despair, and sadnesses for things past. To wall away that which has past.

As I spoke to my mum this morning, and tried to explain how much this book meant to me while reading it, I could see she just didn't get it. And then I had this thought. What if, for a day, we could switch completely. Me live in her body with her brain, her actions, and reactions, and just see how "normal" life feels. To feel what a "normal" person feels every day. To see what I am like, from her perspective. A daughter whom she loves deeply but who just won't listen to her, completely. Who just won't be exactly whom her mother wants her to be. I'd love, as well, for my mum to experience life the way I do. The chaotic thoughts every day. The mind that still thinks fast. Yes, now well rested, but still fuzzy, uncoordinated, still darting from thought to thought. What would she think after that day? How crazy I live? How crazy is her daughter? How disorienting it must seem.

Then I think of this. I'd love to see me through the eyes of my friend in Australia. Just to see what he sees, in me. And to think what he thinks, of me, for just a short while. That would be an interesting exercise, actually.

I envy people with ordered logical minds, honestly. Not greatly, but somewhat. I wish, at times, to be a completely logical, organized person. Not a wild, fly-it-on-the wing person; who also thinks Linkin Park on loud is great for putting away groceries. But, rather a Mozart lover who would calmly organize the kitchen nicely. Not overly, but just nicely. I wish I could be that person who'd have a really clean, organized house. Everything in its place, and a place for everything, ship shape, Bristol fashion. But, no, I believe I'm condemned to a life of chaos, and trying to maintain some sanity among that chaos.

I hope somebody other than Indian spammers with their goddamn drug ads actually reads this idiot stuff I pour out. Anybody out there?

February 6, 2009

Reading, and understanding a woman's pain

I read, and understand all too well the pain of the autobiography of Kay Redfield Jamison. How the mania sessions seem so joyous. Fun, thoughts piling on top of each other. Spending money with abandon with the attitude "oh it'll take care of itself". In my case buying not one, not two, but six sexy bras and panties one time. Which of course I didn't "NEED" but have, now, unworn. Buying not one, not two of pregnancy books but five of them. My own library, at hand, day or night, to be read intently. So many of her examples, of writing feverishly (look down about a month ago at my frequency) of thoughts, having a mind that just will not slow down. Yes, she's experienced the same mania states. I haven't had the crushing lows of her depressions though. Not as bad, anyhow. The daily 18-month grind of deep, dark, depressing, never-ending depression, where seriously the only way seems to be suicide. To just make it easier on everyone else so they won't have to put up with you. No, thankfully, and hopefully, I've not been that deeply in depression, nor will I be. Thank god I saw a psychiatrist when I did. Thank God I listened to her say I had manic depression and most of all Thank God I didn't resist medication for my disease.

Thank God I've not lost my husband, my family, nor most of my friends because of this disease. I read her description of the death of her English lover with sadness though. I can feel the pain one must feel upon truly realizing the loved one is gone forever. How the pain just doesn't go away. I can still keenly recall my tears at hearing of my grandmothers death. Still, to this day, upon thinking of her, I cry a little.

I often wonder if people think I'm a true drama queen. I suppose I am, to most people. To me, it's not an act I put on, for fun and games, or to show off. It's essentially "ME". I cry intensely when I cry. I feel tears strongly when I feel empathy. I laugh loudly because yes, I find things funny, at times. I get extremely angry at times, sadly. Every emotion I feel, in other words, is intense. Yes, perhaps you (the reader) sees it as "drama queen Deb". Well, ok, that's your interpretation of my actions and moods. Can't do anything to change it though. Me is me, crazy, wild and insane, and well medicated at this point.

"It is the small kindnesses in this world that make it worth something" Byron

February 5, 2009

An intensity of feeling

I just did a post on my regular blog about this subject. I know most of you that read this one, can easily read the other one, so won't bother to repeat it. But yes, the book I write of has had me in tears. How can a person know me so well inside I ask? Why haven't I read this book before? The "An unquiet mind" one. Why have I denied a look at myself that I've seldom felt so intensely? I'd imagine a drug addict, or an alcoholic reading an autobiography about the same disease as they suffer may cause a similar reaction. But I doubt, honestly, that they'd "feel" it as intensely as I do.

She writes this in her book "An unquiet mind"

"Yet however genuinely dreadful these moods and memories have been, they have always been offset by the elation and vitality of others; and whenever a mild and gentlish wave of brilliant and bubbling manic enthusiasm comes over me, I am transported by its exuberance - as surely as one is transported by a pungent scent into a world of profound recollection - to earlier, more intense and passionate times. The vividness that mania infuses into one's experiences of life creates strong, keenly recollected states, much as war must, and love and early memories surely do. Because of this, there is now, for me, a rather bittersweet exchange of a comfortable and settled present existence for a troubled but intensely lived past."

Yes, I'll take the content and quiet of life, thanks very much. It makes it easier to cope, believe me. Intensity of mania is very much like an engine revving at high speed. It wears you down, it frightens those around you, and it can create real, lasting problems that don't go away with a "I'm sorry" however felt intensely within me. People just do not GET mania-depression. I really understand that better now. If even a psycho-analyst who was her colleauge and friend can't accept it, how in the world should I expect people around me to? Family/friends/ people whom I interact with in daily life, and on the internet.

It saddens me so much that this illness has cost me friends.

February 4, 2009

25 Facts/Habits about you

Well I just did it on my Facebook profile, since a friend tagged me in it. So, yeah I did it!

I won't tag anybody on here, already done that on Facebook after all. But I will copy it in here, for those of you who don't read my FB profile. I'd rather prefer to keep the two seperate.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.

1. I lived in the same house for 20 years when growing up. Nice bungalow on a wooded lot which I now miss terribly.

2. I've owned 2 dogs in my life, 1 a full Beagle, the other 1 a Beagle daschund cross that ran away on me last fall. Always wondered what happened to dear old Bailey.

3. I had to have IVF treatment to get pregnant with my first daughter Sarah. It worked the first time! We were so thrilled. My second baby got made the old-fashioned way ;)

4. I love doing research, on many things. The internet is my friend in helping find out stuff. Why do I spend so much time doing research? I have not a clue why. But I love doing it.

5. I'm currently reading a great book called "Exuberance, the passion for Life" by Kay Redfield Jamieson, a well known expert on bipolar and mood disorders. She suffers from it herself.

6. I found out I had bipolar in May of 2005. It wasn't a fun diagnosis and something I have to live with for the rest of my life. Thankfully I seem to be okay since Christmas on the current drugs.

7. I tend to look far too much into the past and regret mistakes I've made. I need to remember "the past is in the past, and cannot be changed. Today is today and what we make of it. Tomorrow is the future which we hope is good, happy and successful"

8. I love finding meaningful quotations, as is shown in many of my Facebook status lines.

9. An internet friend was the one who made me see that perhaps God isn't the cause of all the troubles in our world. Man is, and it's his evil ways that cause many of our troubles. God gives us peace, and me peace, especially.

10. I love eating a mixture of oatmeal, brown sugar with some butter, just like that. LOL, uncooked yes. So yummy.

11. I am a chocoholic. Do NOT leave me alone with a box of chocolates if you want any left, ok?

12. I'm an emotional eater. When I'm down, food goes into the hatch

13. I'm seeing an acupuncture guy for stress/anxiety relief. It's realy relaxing honestly!

14. I love watching football on the TV. A jock with boobs? Who knows? LOL

15. I often enjoy talking to guys rather than girls. Something about their openness, and lack of pettiness, and straight talk appeals to me. Some girls however are so great to talk to. It's not a case of me saying all girls are not fun to talk to. Just some bore me to tears, with hair/makeup talk etc.

16. I rarely wear any makeup or perfume. Just cannot stand the feeling of mascara on my eyes. Makes them itch. And my husband is very sensitive to scents. The wrong perfume can make his eyes stream with tears, send him into fits of sneezing. Better just to not wear it, in other words.

17. I'm a really lousy house-keeper. I can find many ways to ignore the mess, and just be your basic "absent-minded professor" type.

18. I've tested as a brilliant person on intelligence tests, but never got good marks. I think I was ADHD, but never diagnosed as such. A guidance counsellor at my high school tested me, and said that I was very very smart, and perhaps needed less stressful ways to write exams. In that case, I aced the exams.

19. I used to love running. Both in grade school, in high school, and while I was "skinny". I trained with the Running Room for the 5 K, the 10 K, and the half-marathon, despite a torn knee ligament. I ended up walking most of the half-marathon, but I DID IT! I don't think I'll ever be able, or fit enough to run a marathon, with these drugs I'm on.

20. I love writing in many forms. On facebook, on my blog(s) of which I have about 10, I think (roughly), but I only write on two regularly. I just feel a need to pour out words, facts, information, details, niblets of information.

21. I'm a weather nerd. Yes, I know how to read a weather map with high, lows, wind currents. Yep, a weather nerd, whose browser knows www.theweatherwork.com and intellicast.com and weatheroffice.gc.ca and yeah likely one or two other. Oh year, NOAA for the hurricane info, and tornado info. Yup, a weather nerd.

22. I used to skin downhill and x-country. Loved both, and don't do it since kids. BK (before kids) we had more time to do it.

23. I rode horses a lot when I was a teenager. My very best friend, Pam, from age 6 and I have maintained a deep love of horses. We had a dream that she'd go to the 1984 Olympics and be a show-jumper and that I'd be her groom for her horse Willy. Of course we never made it there. But it was fun to dream it! I gave up riding once I got into my 20's. But I still feel that urge to ride.

24. I used to smoke and drink alcohol. But within a year of meeting Tim @ age 22 I'd quit smoking. He insisted on it, and said it was like kissing an ashtray when I'd smoked. Made about as much sense as walking into a burning house and taking in a deep breath was his reasoning. So, yeah I quit. I quit drinking when I found out I had bipolar. Now I know why I didn't have an "off" switch like most others do, for drinking. I'd just keep pouring it in, and got sick way too many times. Not a good thing.

25. I can't believe how easily those 24 things up there poured out. Who will I tag who hasn't done one? Hmm, the mind mulls it over.

February 3, 2009


The title of the blog entry is also the title of the book I'm just starting to read. "Exuberance" by Kay Redfield Jamieson is a study of the ways in which exuberance has coloured our world. If Louis Pasteur didn't have the will to study, we'd not have pasteurization for years later, perhaps. If Charles Lindbergh hadn't tried to fly his plane, who knows what would have happened. So much of life's discoveries are done with people with a passion for life, as she writes. The undaunted, knows-no-bounds, soaring imaginations. She writes that many psychologists pay no mind to the "happy, joyful" people. No, the studies are done to the depressed, the manic/depressants, the psychotic patients. But we would be well-served to know why exuberant people are that way. What does make them be that way. Perhaps a secret from that state of mind may help the depressed.

Here's a direct quote from the book regarding what her definition of exuberance is.

"Exuberance is an abounding, ebullient, effervescent emotion. It is kinetic and unrestrained, joyful irrepressible. It is not happiness, although they share a border. It is instead, at its core, a more restless, billowing state. Certainly it is no lulling state of contentment; exuberance leaps, bubbles, and overflows, propels its energy through troop and tribe."

I'd agree with that definition in regards to myself. I'm that type of person. I think others, in my life, both off-line and on-line would agree with those words to describe myself.

But with that exuberance, in me, comes a price. One negative word and the balloon can be pricked. Deflated for a bit, and then pumped back up. A mistake made can deflate ones opinion of oneself, and yes, dust off the knees and try again.

"One joy is worth a 1000 sorrows" is a Chinese saying. Ted Turner said once "a leader is one that creates an infectious enthusiasm". Yes, I can see that I do that in some. Others are turned off by my ebullient personality. C'est la vie.

DNA discovery was done by Watson and Crick. Excerpt from book here

Crick wrote later that Watson "just wanted the answer, and whether he got it by sound methods or flashy ones did not bother him a bit. All he wanted was to get it as soon as possible."

"Shield your joyous ones"

February 1, 2009

Noticing a lack of will to write

I'm definitely noticing a lack of will to write on this blog. It's a case of me feeling more in control, and less willing to blab away on here. But I do find it helps to write down thoughts, and get to read them again. So, yes will continue to do it :)

I got a nice compliment in WoW tonight on my druid. She's @ 76 now, and so only 4 more lvls to 80 (the highest). I "tanked" a dungeon. This means you're the one getting all the agro, on purpose and getting beat on. But, my char. is geared for it, with 22 K of armor, and a deep health pool. Lots of fun! Anyways, I was complimented on what a good job I did. I honestly think that now I do better work, when focused. Less going off half-cocked before the grp is ready.

We watched some of the Super Bowl earlier. Good game and I'm glad Pittsburgh won. Doesn't really matter who wins, after all, but a friend is a life-long fan so he's happy, for sure.

I must focus on the future I've told myself a few times today. No more looking in the past, regretting past actions. The past is in the past. Forget it, I tell myself. Move on, think happy thoughts about this year, this week, this month. Plan to do happy things. Look forward to happy moments. That is the ticket.

Here's a great saying "Without love there is no compassion". How wonderful and how true. We love, and we feel compassion. It's when you don't care that you feel nothing close to compassion. I'm glad I love people. And yes, do feel compassion. It may hurt bitterly at times, but I'm happier for feeling compassion, I believe.

Here's a little prayer that I mutter to myself, at times: Dear God please forgive me my sins, help me forgive others, and help others to forgive me. I pray that today I can be strong, and happy, and that you'll take care of me and my family. Thanks, amen.

Not much, but that keeps me going some times. Reminds me of whats important. :)

Love knows no boundaries.