February 24, 2009

Hiding my head in the sand

Sometimes I just want to hide my head in the sand. Rather a bizarre statement when said out of the blue. But I mean just sometimes I want to forget I have moody days. I just want to feel on a even keel, all the time. Not have days when I feel like calling myself a stupid, mixed up fuck head, like I did the other day. Just things got me down. A lot of little things made a big thing, and made me feel, as I said to a friend "a pathetic fuck up of a friend". He replied that no, he didn't see that, and that I'm not insane, rather just a thinking feeling person who is intense. Sometimes friends are God's little gifts (tm?) to us. A reminder that no matter how down we get on ourselves someone else admires us. Right Maven? Mind you I don't have the fan base of Maven, but oh well, I can work on it, right? ;)

So, now that I've reminded myself that I'm not a pathetic fuck-up, at least to some people, lets take the head out of the sand. I had another session of acupuncture last night. Listening to a relaxing meditation tape at the same time. Nothing like a guy telling you what part to focus on, and R E L A X to make you feel, well, a little self-conscious huh? But, it was a good excuse to lie there for 45 min. relaxing. But I did notice this. All my muscles felt "used" "tingly" for lack of a better description. I really just wanted to lie quietly and relax last night when I got home. The kids were bouncing on the bed laughing with hands over their eyes saying "Oooommm" and laughing like crazy. I had to laugh! So frickin frackin funny! Vic esp. with her OOOOOOMMMMMMM sound drawn out. And Sarah with crossed legs, and finger in a circle over her eyes, just saying om, om, om. Too funny!

Listening to Coldplay playlist on computer. Yay for CD's that can be copied to computers. Yay for music players that allow me to copy the songs to my MP3 player. That's called "fair use" of the music I listen to. Not pirated, but "fair use".

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