Suddenly you're bitchy, complaining, saying "don't touch me", and it's only when the period starts you realize "why" you're acting so weirdly. It's not a case of being able to step back and see yourself from a 3rd person view. It's a feeling of frustration that you can't cope, and everything is going wrong, and then in hindsight realizing "WHY" it was that way.
Sleep is good now, with two of my pills. I mean, with the sleep, I'm better able to function, without mood swings. As I look back now, I see the last month was tearful, angry at times, and emotionally roll-coaster-ish. My house echoes that feeling of not coping well with the mess it is in. When I'm in a mania state, house-cleaning is really not a priority, or even a thought. It's only when I calm down, get in a zone of contemplation that I realize the mess. Then it's get to work with the garbage bag, etc. And get the place looking good.
It's hard living with a mood disorder that few understand. They seem to get depression, but just don't get mania, I believe. But having friends that are patient, kind and forgiving do help immensely. Please, just tolerate me, and I'll make it worth your while to put up with the shit.
I re-read the autobiography of Kay Redfield Jameson and love this quote she includes.
""It is the history of our kindnesses that alone make this world tolerable," wrote Robert Louis Stevenson. "If it were not for that, for the effect of kind words, kind looks, kind letters .... I should be inclined to think our life a practical jest in the worst possible spirit." After knowing David, I never again saw life in its worse possible spirit."