March 10, 2009

Something called accepting

I guess there's a point in your life where you just have to accept some things. Like death, taxes and the loss of things you value. Doesn't matter how many times you ask why, it just is. Accepting it and moving on is the hardest part. That's part of grief I guess.

I'm strong and I'll get over it. Can the reader accept that I feel bad? I hope so. You, the reader, may say how can you be that upset over the loss of a friend? We were close. He explained to me the reasons why maybe Jesus wasn't that bad. Why, perhaps believing in the Bible was a good idea. So, now even when I say a little prayer to be strong and forget him, I remember him. *sighs*

It's hard, but I have to accept it. REALLY accept it, and MOVE ON. All part of accepting it.

My sleep is back due to the pills and oh man, it is good. I love sleep. I don't love the dulled, lack of buoyancy that I do feel with this set of pills. But, I'll take it for the sake of the sleep and the ability to cope with day to day life better. It really is just worth accepting that for the best, I have to take them.


Stacy said...

I have experienced the pain of lost "friendships" and had things that I said online used against me. I also have gained some great thing via those friendships that are also part of my journey. I wish you luck in healing.

Also, I would love to know what you are using for sleep. I have yet to find anything that helps...

Toria/Deb said...

I'm sorry Stacy that you've felt the same loss. Yes, we do learn from every experience. I think what I'll carry away is to not be so open and accepting. Keep myself in reserve, moreso than I did with this person.

For sleep help I was given Ratio-Quetiapine and i take 25mg. It's just enough to really get me out at 10 pm or so, then by 7 am I'm in light sleep and wake easily. 50 mg knocked me cold for 12 hrs easily. But, yes, like all things it's a stop gap measure in dealing with damn Bipolar. Good luck in coping! And thank you so much for reading. I *DO* appreciate it :)