April 27, 2009

I am a lovely person

"Who am I" isn't a question that can be answered easily. As the psychiatrist said, she couldn't answer it, about herself, without a lot of words. But the essence of a person, that part of us that is easily seen by others, that's the part that she says makes me "a lovely" person. Without explaining all the reasons why she means that.

Yes, I have problems with controlling emotions. But the fact that I feel them: the hurt, the rage, the anger, the love, the caring, the tears, the joy. All of those show her that I'm really rather just normal. Not crazy, not bizarre, simply "normal". But it's in the controlling of those emotions that lies the true answer to me being content and happy, truly, in life.

She really doesn't think that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. As she said to me, if you see a daisy with petals, and most of them were white you'd call it white correct? If some had a bit of blue colour on them, you'd still call the flower white, correct? If all the petals were blue, or most of them you'd call the flower blue, correct? Same with a personality disorder. It's the "overall view" that she doesn't see as a pervasive case to call me BPD. However, she'd like me to read up on ADD - attention deficit disorder, and see if my mental map sees those criteria in it.

I see her again in 2 months. I am so incredibly happy about this. What a complete relief to see a psychiatrist, really. Not that it really matters, just makes me feel better.

Look within, find that compassion that I have for others, apply it to self, and admire yourself. Stop caring about others as much, and start caring about you. Feed yourself some love, as she put it.

Memory and Slumber is an interesting article to read here. Basically, here's the essence of the article

For many years, people believed that the brain, like the body, rested during sleep. After all, we are rendered unconscious by sleep. Perhaps, it was thought, the brain just needs to stop thinking for a few hours every day. Wrong. During sleep, our brain—the organ that directs us to sleep—is itself extraordinarily active. And much of that activity helps the brain to learn, to remember and to make connections.


Mental illness is simply something wrong with your brain; much like heart disease is simply something wrong with your heart. Nothing to be ashamed about - my pschyciatrist

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