June 24, 2009

5 Things to be thankful for and more about me

Today I sat and ate dinner out on our deck. It's a small deck, with a table and 2 benches and a deck box that the kids can sit on to eat dinner. We've got a small suburban back lawn with a garden or two or three. Could use a good weeding honestly but can't be stuffed to do it. I should be more energetic and getting weeding I know. But lethargy sets in. A lethargy that I don't like, but live with.

Anyhow the 5 things I thought of while sitting on the deck were these.

1) a good dinner that I enjoyed eating
2) a nice deck to sit on to enjoy my good meal
3) seeing my 2 girls playing in the back yard. Free to be kids and loud and noisy if they want to be. Having fun with each other.
4) Having a beautiful warm day with sunshine - not too terribly hot, but just "nice"
5) feeling loved and cared for by my children and my husband

It's the small things in the present that I realize I must grasp onto in order to stay happy when a sad spell hits. A reminder that life isn't bleak and without hope. That's only the illness speaking to me. "A thought is not a fact" is something I read on the blog Beyond Blue yesterday. Yes that is a truth worth recalling. Because I tell myself I'm a fucked up idiot who's far too emotional doesn't mean I am. The thought is not the fact that the illness sometimes makes me believe.

I did some mindful meditation today on the bed. Just 5 minutes or so (didn't watch the clock). Just enough to focus on my breathing for a while. A feeling of calmness overtaking my body. It does help.

Stay happy and smile, to anyone reading this. It is worth remembering "be happy". We can be happy in the moment if we try to work at it. It's the small stones of "happiness" that will make a patio of happiness.

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