July 20, 2009

I'm not mad, bad or bizarre

No, not mad as in crazy, or bad, or bizarre but simply different. I'm reading more of "The Complete Guide to Asperger's syndrome" and love that line. "You're not mad, bad or bizarre but simply see the world in a different manner than neuro-typical people".

I have to be proud of who I am. Not making excuses for it, nor how I view the world. But simply accepting "I am proud of who I am, like it or leave it" attitude. Yes, some won't like it, I know. But, I can't change the me in me. I'm just not a cookie cutter typical person whom social chit-chat comes to easily.

July 16, 2009

Interesting article about autism

Here's a very interesting essay on Autism Autism as Academic Paradigm

I must apologize for lack of entries

Something to do with having kids around, I think. They really truly take up a lot of time, getting snacks, food, and bandaids. Doing all the assorted tasks of a Mum does keep one busy, after all. And it's an important job, as well. They are young for such a short time, really, life-span wise, and why not invest some quality care time for them? It will hopefully pay off when they're teenagers.

So, yes Asperger's is on my mind, again. I looked at the book store I like and they had nothing in the genre. So, checked at the local library and eureka! A 2007 copy of "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" by Tony Attwood, the noted psychologist who is the de facto expert on the condition.

What a lovely book. He writes it in a very clearly understandable tone, with good factual information. So many of the signs that he writes of are within my mental map of myself. The exclusion of childhood friends. The noting of feeling "odd and different" in high school when adolescence hit. Leading to more of a complex that I was 'weird', even to myself. I recall somebody speaking up when there was a question 'who's the smartest person in this class' and somebody said my name. I was shocked that somebody else had noticed. But my marks didn't reflect that I was smart, and knew I was. I just didn't know why I couldn't get the thoughts down there, onto the paper. I knew I knew the stuff. Couldn't reproduce it. Whereas in geography where it was all facts, figures I got 90% on my report card.

Sounds. I notice in the car when Tim turns on the radio, and it's meaningless chatter, or music that I don't enjoy I just ask to have it turned off. There is no consideration for him, that he may enjoy it. It's like my need is much more important than his. I find it really bothers me to have that noise there. Whereas if it's my music, that I enjoy listening to, then it's okay. Bizarre, I know.

Food. I notice there are definite textures that I can't eat. Pureed food, like creamed squash, I can't stand that texture. I don't know why but it makes me physically gag. Bizarre, yes.

But the beginning quote in this book I refer to above is so true. "You aren't mad, bad, or defective but have a different way of thinking". It isn't a bad thing, at all. Simply a different way of looking at the world. Adapting this to society is the hard part. Living within the social fabric easily isn't easy, for me.

I wrote a long email to a friend earlier today. Simply a purge of thoughts and emotions. As I said to him, it's not as public as writing on here, for the world (and Indian drug spammers) to read, and yet, more public than a private diary that only I would read. At times, email truly is the panacea for my needs.

Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.
Thomas H. Huxley

July 7, 2009

Trying to see the big picture

Yes, I'm trying to see the big picture. I find myself falling into the same old trap of saying to self "you're stupid, silly, too emotional (or insert other adjective here)". But I'm also consciously trying to say to myself "find 5 good things right now". And it works. It does work on getting me away from the self-pity party that I seem to want to hold. And which does me no good.

So, on a dreary, dreadful, rainy, cold July morning here's 5 things I'm grateful for, right now

1.) Got a computer with internet, high speed at that

2.) a warm cup of tea to sip

3.) kids are playing well, and quietly with toys in their room

4.) I'm well fed after a nice breakfast, and don't feel hungry

5.) My husband has already called to say I love you this morning and let me know that he got stuck in a massive traffic jam in Ottawa. But he made it to work ok.

So, yes, I could pity myself for the things I don't do right, or I could say good for me for the things I do do right. (that's an awkward sentence with 2 do's).

If you're reading this, and feeling down, join with me in saying "we are better than we give ourselves credit for".

We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

July 4, 2009

22 years married

Well today, July the 4th is my wedding anniversary. 22 years this year. Thankfully I met the right guy, at the right time, and we married. I am very happy with him. Yes, we've had some hard times. But he's known, and is mature enough, thankfully, that I'm not always going to be the even tempered person he'd like me to be. I feel fortunate. So grateful. I guess I did something right to meet a lovely guy who's put up with my crap for 22 years. :)

July 1, 2009

A quote I like here

"The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity." George Bernard Shaw