July 16, 2009

I must apologize for lack of entries

Something to do with having kids around, I think. They really truly take up a lot of time, getting snacks, food, and bandaids. Doing all the assorted tasks of a Mum does keep one busy, after all. And it's an important job, as well. They are young for such a short time, really, life-span wise, and why not invest some quality care time for them? It will hopefully pay off when they're teenagers.

So, yes Asperger's is on my mind, again. I looked at the book store I like and they had nothing in the genre. So, checked at the local library and eureka! A 2007 copy of "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" by Tony Attwood, the noted psychologist who is the de facto expert on the condition.

What a lovely book. He writes it in a very clearly understandable tone, with good factual information. So many of the signs that he writes of are within my mental map of myself. The exclusion of childhood friends. The noting of feeling "odd and different" in high school when adolescence hit. Leading to more of a complex that I was 'weird', even to myself. I recall somebody speaking up when there was a question 'who's the smartest person in this class' and somebody said my name. I was shocked that somebody else had noticed. But my marks didn't reflect that I was smart, and knew I was. I just didn't know why I couldn't get the thoughts down there, onto the paper. I knew I knew the stuff. Couldn't reproduce it. Whereas in geography where it was all facts, figures I got 90% on my report card.

Sounds. I notice in the car when Tim turns on the radio, and it's meaningless chatter, or music that I don't enjoy I just ask to have it turned off. There is no consideration for him, that he may enjoy it. It's like my need is much more important than his. I find it really bothers me to have that noise there. Whereas if it's my music, that I enjoy listening to, then it's okay. Bizarre, I know.

Food. I notice there are definite textures that I can't eat. Pureed food, like creamed squash, I can't stand that texture. I don't know why but it makes me physically gag. Bizarre, yes.

But the beginning quote in this book I refer to above is so true. "You aren't mad, bad, or defective but have a different way of thinking". It isn't a bad thing, at all. Simply a different way of looking at the world. Adapting this to society is the hard part. Living within the social fabric easily isn't easy, for me.

I wrote a long email to a friend earlier today. Simply a purge of thoughts and emotions. As I said to him, it's not as public as writing on here, for the world (and Indian drug spammers) to read, and yet, more public than a private diary that only I would read. At times, email truly is the panacea for my needs.

Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.
Thomas H. Huxley

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