Just thought I'd put up a couple of paragraph quotes from Tony Attwood's book "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" and then talk about why I feel they apply to me.
The first one is about the ability to communicate better via email/internet
" .... The great advantage of this form of communication to the person with AS is that he or she often has a greater eloquence in disclosing and expressing thoughts and feelings through typing rather than face-to face conversation. .... When using the computer, the person can concentrate on social exchange without being overwhelmed by so many sensory experiences and social signals that occur in social gatherings. ... "
The second quote is to do with friendships and caring.
"When a friendship does occur, one of the difficulties for people with AS is knowing how to maintain it. At this stage, the issues are those of knowing how often to make contact, appropriate topics of conversation, what might be suitable gifts, empathetic comments and expressions as well as how to be generous in the event of disagreements. With these friendships sometimes a friendly act, smile or gesture has greater implications than was intended, and this may lead to the development of an intense interest or infatuation with a person who appears kind and friendly"
To me, thats the exact nutshell of what happened with an internet friend I had. He didn't want a smothering friend. Simply "a friend" who would maintain a distance. And which I couldn't do. I was intensely interested, and yes infatuated. Simply due to the attention he gave me, and our common interests. It felt so good to have someone who wanted to be a friend. I really really enjoyed it. And why now, I have felt so intensely forgotten, discarded.
But, I must remember this fact: A thought that I'm scattered, unreliable, and basically screwed up doesn't make it a fact. Those are only negative thoughts, that's all.
I can only be at peace when I stop thinking of myself as defective, and start believing that I'm simply "me", warts and all. Taking pride in my accomplishments, and trying to minimize my shortcomings to the place they deserve: an afterthought. Sounds a lot, as I think back to my last entry that I'm simply repeating myself. But I want to make it a habit: give myself some love, and some pats on the back. Too harsh on ones self isn't good for anybody, is it? If you're feeling down on yourself, please, say with me "we are better than we think we are", and give ourselves some credit.
Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. ~ Henry David Thoreau