January 5, 2010

Wow 11 Followers

Wow, I'm amazed that I have 11 followers LOL. I dunno, just seems like what I say isn't very important and why would somebody want to read it, after all. That's not my vanity speaking but simply a statement that I don't feel very interesting.

As I think back over the last year I can see where I miss the highs of mania. The quick thoughts that could be expressed easily. Whereas now, with the Zeldox, that part of me is more grounded. Yes, I'm much better at spending now - I don't have the terrible impulse to spend money that we don't have. I'm much more sensible in the store these days. So, it's good in that sense. But still, I do miss the feeling of being on a high of good feeling. I notice that loss. But I'd rather be sensible and grounded than on a mania high, and not sleeping, not taking good care of things around the house. So, I'll live with it.

Today is the girls last day of holiday. Tomorrow it's back to the grind of getting up at 6:45 am, and getting them on the bus at 7:30 am. I know it's early but they start the day at 8 am at school and are out by 3 pm in the afternoon. Just makes the mornings early, is all. Not easy to deal with, some mornings, when they've stayed up too late. That's another thing I notice, by the way. How I'm better able to keep track of time, including bed-time, when I'm more grounded and not on a mania high. I'm more sensible and a better mother I feel.

If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves. Maria Edgeworth

1 comment:

Vampi said...

I've been manic since a week ago this past Sunday... I get what you're saying and yet I'd give anything to have my feet on the ground.