February 18, 2010

Didn't sleep well

I've slacked off, again, on posting. Sorry about that. Anyhow, I've been experimenting with not taking the Seroquel at bedtime. To see if I could still sleep and not have that awful hangover feeling of being so tired in the morning. It truly does knock you out for the duration of it being in your system. Well, a few nights I've had a decent night's sleep until last night. I saw 1 am, then don't recall anything else until 6 am when the alarm went off. Well, actually 6:50 am for that. But I don't feel rested. I feel wired and yet my eyes hurt from not enough sleep. My flow of words seems to be there again too. I think I'm going to have to take one tonight to get a decent night's sleep.

Part of what I was thinking about last night as I lay there sleepless was the fact that I'm a manic depressive autistic person who needs drugs in order to cope. That's my life now. No getting around it. No excuses not to take the drugs. I can't just throw up my hands and forget to take them, sadly. I feel broken inside. Defective, like I'm missing something.

I wish I was more humourous on Facebook. I see witty comments and sly remarks and think that I wish I was able to come up with something like that. But I'm an earnest, honest, if boring person. I'm kind and sympathetic but can't tell a good joke if I tried.

Just a jumble of thoughts that I've poured out above. I may be preaching to the converted here but I think without the Seroquel my mind is racing again. Bipolar sucks.


Vampi said...

I'm with you there. Bipolar does suck. I feel the same way. Broken. Feeling that I'm stupider than the average person. And you're not alone with the inability to tell a joke, I'm the same way :)

Toria/Deb said...

Thanks for your reply - it's always nice to hear that I'm not the only one experiencing these thoughts and issues. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

I know these feelings. I have bi-polar disease and so does my daughter. My son and husband are autistic. We primarily get along and try to understand each other as much as possible. We play name that emotion to stay in touch with the details of our feelings. Bi-polar illness is difficult, so is autism. I wish you well. I will keep a thought for you.