March 23, 2012

Freeing my mind

I like freeing my mind.  I'm taking slightly less of the Zeldox - only one 20 mg pill per day.  It's freed my mind considerably.  Yes, I've got more to say, as you can see on here, and on my google+.  Yes, it's annoyed some people.  But it feels good to talk via virtual paper.  Helps me get out some of the angst in there.

Something that I thought about and want to write about.  Social anxiety. I have it and don't acknowledge it. An invite to a coffee gathering and chat has caused me to alert the flight or fright complex. I'm just vocally expressing this now.  Coming to realize that it's normal in Asperger's people.  I feel slightly crazy that I'm afraid to go talk to some people at a friendly gathering.  But it means I have to suit up with my social suit on, and behave myself, carefully.  Not talk too much, too loudly, too many opinions. Staying at a normal level. It's work essentially. 

Social anxiety isn't fun to deal with. I like to think of myself as warm, open, lovely.  I try to be all of that.  But it's hard when deep deep down you're scared of being rejected again.  Laughed at, openly.  I know that won't happen but it's there,  The scars from that happening in high school.

I hope this helps me explain myself a bit better.

Stay happy and joyful.

Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.  William Faulkner


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