April 2, 2012

Mothers, stop moaning about children

This article written by a woman who will never have a child in her lifetime is both touching and hurtful.  Touching as in that for 38 years I didn't have a child. It was only through the miracle of IVF that I had Sarah.  Hurtful in the respect that now that I have my two precious children how dare I protest that it's "hard" at times to cope.

Yes, it is hard to cope some days.  Sarah is very needy in terms of routine.  She needs to do the same thing every morning.  God forbid if I dare do something out of place.  She screeches at me.  It doesn't do any good to reprimand her, she's not doing it out of spite.  Only because she's overwhelmed.  And no, scolding her doesn't help, believe me.  I've tried that and it doesn't work, period.

Victoria, as well, loves her routine.  It's not easy coping with two children with special needs.  Yes, I should be grateful and kissing the earth that I have children.  And yes, most of the time I am incredibly grateful that I've been given the gift of their presence in my life.

I wish that every woman could have the dream that they wished.  But sadly that isn't the case.  If I hadn't had kids, I don't know how I'd feel right now, at age 50.  Likely pursuing my interests.

It is a hard thing to do, to set aside a want, a need, so bad that your ovaries ache.  But it's necessary to put that behind her and move on.  Find a new passion in life and forget that which you will never have and desire so badly:  a child.

Adoption of a baby is always an option, as well.  But yes, it's not "your" child.  But many children are loved and will be loved by surrogate parents.  She should pick herself up off the floor and carry on,  head held high.  Instead of moaning and crying  that mothers should be so bloody grateful that they are mothers.

I'll never know what it's like to be childless in this lifetime.  I'm so thankful that that is not the case.  I can recall wanting a baby so badly.  Us pursuing every avenue in order to achieve that goal.  Putting up with the indignities of IVF in our lives.   If you care to read my story of Sarah's journey from test-tube to fully born baby let me know and I'll send you to our story.  It wasn't a hard trip but a necessary one.

On World Autism Awareness day I'd like one person to acknowledge to me that it's hard being a mum with my own special needs and being mum to 2 girls with their own special needs.  Yeah, I love being a mum, but it's hard some days to cope.




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